Scratch and Claw

I feel like I am scratching and clawing my way through life. Fighting to get to where I think I should be. Every day I fight to do what is worth while, instead of what is easy. Video Games, TV, internet are easy. Most nights I watch 1 hour of TV. I try to limit myelf to that. At the end of the day I convince myself I deserve to take a break, I’ve earned it. Have I? When I start up internet explorer I have good intentions. Sometimes I even have a list of the things I want to do. That list is frequently interupted by email checks or sports updates. My google reader seems much more alluring than the task at hand. Or my new Xbox or my Wii will tempt me to play it, just for a half hour. Luckily, I haven’t found a game I’m ‘hooked’ on yet. I was hooked to Mario Kart, but I beat that and nothing new has replaced it. Part of me is thankful.

It’s easy to convince myself I’ve done enough to ‘relax’ or ‘unwind’ or have fun. Not only am I unsure of whether I have actually done enough but are these activites actually relaxing? Do I really feel loose and refreshed? Don’t get me wrong, entertainment has it’s place, but what counts as ‘entertainment’ is debatable. Relaxing is wonderful, but am I kidding myself when I ‘relax’ in front of the TV?

Relfecting Questions

When I can reflect on what I’ve done recently, I ask myself, is it worth it? Is it worth the fight? Should I go with the ‘easy’ flow? Do I really want to be an active citizen? Do I really care about Washington, Mandela, Gandhi, or Mother Teresa? Should I cave in and do like lots of other people do? Should I find a video game to fill my time? Should I be googling to find the next TV show I want to watch? Am I happy with my financial situation? Is it worth the effort to find the best interest rates, or stay on top of my finances? In short, am I living the life I want? And should I continue to fight?

Resounding Answers

I always come to the same conclusion: It’s worth every last second. Every victory is earned, not through privilege or skill, but through perseverence and determination, a steadfast loyalty to excel. When I look back, I feel no different after watching a season of TV. I feel different reading or learning. I am different. I feel different reading 4 pages of Spanish for a month or so. I feel alive. I feel like I’m in my own RPG fighting every day to get better and enjoy this life I’ve been given. I feel blessed with the drive to keep going, with the attitude and perspective I have.

Life is not easy, but it’s worth every minute. I fight every day, every hour to improve, to get better, and to live life to the fullest. We all go through it. Your not alone. I hope you’ll scratch and claw with me.


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