The Influence of Books

This month I am going to be talking about my influences, how I got where I am, more specifically books that helped me get here. I am only 23, and I can assure you I didn’t get where I am today without some serious help.

To use a phrase from John Maxwell, “I’m a turtle on a fence post” Hint: if you see a turtle on a fence post, you know he had some help getting there.

We can’t take this journey alone, we need friends, we need role models, we need teachers. I learned from books mainly. I am a reader, I love to read. Books are a great way to take in new ideas, and stimulate old ones.

I will not be giving reviews of these books, persay. Rather, I will be telling you how they influenced me, and my general thoughts.

I hope this will cause you to search out these books. You will benefit greatly from them.

Saved By Myself

I’m going to stick with our theme of my struggle on Friday.

Yesterday I talked about the need for others. Today I’m going to do the opposite and talking about stepping away.

Sometimes when life gets rough, we need to step away. We need to be alone, to collect ourselves. We may be too explosive to talk to anyone. It’s going to happen. Trust your instincts and determine whether you need someone, or to be alone.

You may not need to get away for long either. Friday, I got away for 2 hours and I was able to get control of myself where I knew I was back in control. Later that night I talked to the co-worker I mentioned yesterday, but first I needed to be alone.

Here are some good ways to step away:

1. Listen to Music-Find your favorite tune and play it, or perhaps something that fits your mood. Friday mine was: “Mad World” by Michael Andrews.

2. Meditate-sometimes, just sitting in silence helps.  Go someplace quiet or you can be alone and meditate.

3. Pray-if you’re religious and perhaps praying to whoever you pray to my help.

4.  Nature-go out into the wilderness, go someplace quiet away from all the technology and hustle and bustle of daily life and just be out there.  I like to do this at night, when I can see the stars, few things that suits me more than looking at the stars on a cool night.

Any one of these suggestions may be used to get away from everything.

What are a few other examples of good ways to step away?

Saved By Another

You need other people. You cannot live without them. When times get hard, like they did for me yesterday, we need to reach out and talk to someone. Maybe it’s not a close friend, but someone. My savior yesterday came in the form of a co-worker. He just gave me someone to vent to, and sometimes that’s all it takes.

Just when you think you can go on by yourself without anyone, you realize you can’t. You NEED others. You can’t be a loner. Not and still keep your sanity. Your self growth journey is going to hit some rough spots, that is when your others come through. I use ‘others’ because it could be a friend, family member, or complete stranger.

So if you’re feeling low, do yourself a favor, and talk to someone. It will help.

Not My Day

‘It’s a good day, it’s not my day, but it’s a good day.’

That is what I say when I have a tough time with life. And right now, it’s not my day. Sometimes we just have to push through those tough times. It is extremely tough to do, especially when all you want is to curl up and cry yourself to sleep. But in the words of Annie “Tomorrow is just a day away”. I know she says it so much cuter than I do.

There will be times when your self growth journey may hit a rough spot, it’s gonna happen. Hopefully you can shake it off and get back up. However, don’t feel bad if you must take a few days off, or ease back a bit. It’s ok to ease up, sometimes life sends us signals we should listen to.

We need to listen to my life signals. And sometimes our life signals say you’re living out of accord with yourself. Right now that is where I am.

I thought about not posting this, but you guys should know all of us have bad days. It’s not all Raindrops and kittens for anyone.

Any words of encouragement? I could always use them. Thank you.

Principles I Live My Life By

Early in my self growth in journey, using the advice of Stephen Covey in “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, I created a set of principles that I would guide my life by. I have used these principles to govern my behavior. I have not always been successful and some I’m still not very good at. However I decided these are the actions that I want to be known by when I die. These are the ideas that matter to me.

Principles are important to have, they allow you to govern your behavior. They allow you to act how you want to act, not how you may act instinctively. For example, I may get mad at someone during rush hour, but I remember my virtues and know that it is not Respectful of me to act in such a way. This way you are guiding your life, not letting it be guided. You determine how you are going to act, not rely on the fickle mistresses of chance and fate.

If you are starting out on your self growth journey, you may want to figure out what principles matter to you. It will help tremendously. You may find some of my principles appealing, or perhaps Benjamin Franklin’s principles and John Wooden’s “Pyramid of Success” make more sense. Regardless of where they come from, knowing how you want to act is extremely beneficial.

As for me, I started out with 13. In truth I used virtues by Ben Franklin, who also had 13, as well as some virtues listed in the book “The Servant” by James C. Hunter. All of my original principles stemmed from those two men. Today I have 20 principles. I got these from Ben Franklin, James C. Hunter, and now John Wooden and my Grandfather(”Excellence is standard not a goal”). They are in order of importance to me. I also include a brief that explanation of how I see them, which may not be in accordance with how the dictionary sees them or how you see them. Also so I further understand what they mean, I have found quotes that depict their meaning. Principles are only words if you don’t know what they mean to you.

Excellence-be the best you can be
“Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to become the best of which you are capable”- John Wooden

Humility(confidence)-to be rather then to appear
“The strongest steel is well-founded self belief”-Unknown
“The greatest way to live with honor is to be what we pretend to be”-Socrates

Friendship
Believe in them
Encourage them to grow
Support them at all times
Love them unconditionally

Justice-(integrity, honor, righteousness)-conformity to moral rightness in action and attitude
“When justice is done it brings joy to the righteous but terror to evildoers”-the Bible

Responsibility-do what you should do
“Responsibility is the price of greatness”-Winston Churchill

Loyalty (commitment)-be faithful to obligations, committed to duties, true to yourself and others
“Do not let loyalty and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart”-the Bible

Industry
“Lose no time; always be employed at something useful; stop all unnecessary actions”-Benjamin Franklin
“Industry need not wish”-Benjamin Franklin

Diligence(perseverance)-persevering determination to perform a task
“Stay the course. When thwarted try again; harder, smarter. Persevere relentlessly”-John Wooden

Forgiveness-giving up resentment when wronged
“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that crushed it”-Mark Twain

Honesty(sincerity)- being free from deception
“What is uttered from the heart alone, will win the hearts of others to your own”- Goethe

Patience(poise, temperance, discipline, tranquility)- showing self-control
“By constant self-discipline and self-control you can develop greatness of character”-Unknown

Kindness-giving attention, appreciation, and encouragement
“Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier”-Mother Teresa

Respectfulness(courtesy)-treating others as important people
“Only those who respect the personality of others can be of real use to them”-Albert Schweitzer

Dream-have a vision or goal you are enthusiastic and passionate about
“All our dreams can come true… if we had the courage to pursue them”-Walt Disney

Vigilance(alertness)
“Constantly be aware and observing. Always seek to improve yourself and others “- John Wooden

Selflessness-meeting the needs of others
“Needs not wants; be a servant not a slave”- James C. Hunter

Frugality-make no expense but to do good to others or yourself(waste nothing)
“Frugality may be termed the daughter of prudence, the sister of temperance, and the parent of liberty”

Silence-speak not but what may benefit others or yourself
“Do not speak unless you can prove the silence”-Unknown

Initiative-take action

“Make a decision! Failure to act is often the biggest failure of all”- John Wooden

Order(organization, structure)- let all things have their places and let all events have their time

Best of April

Each month I’ll link back to some of what I feel are my best posts.

Is The World Worse Off Without You?

“Grab Life By the Horns”

It Doesn’t Matter What Anyone Else Thinks

The Hardest Part Of Self Growth

The Hardest Part Of Self Growth

Momma always said “Be careful who you make friends with.” As I grow older I find more and more Mom is a wise woman. If you are to grow as a person you have to be careful of the company you keep.

There is a story I can use to illustrate this.

If you put a crab in a bucket it will crawl out no problem. However, when you put more than one crab in the same bucket, they can’t get out. While one crab is trying to get out, so are all the rest. So they end up pulling each other down.

Now let me correct one thing. You see the crabs are all trying to get out. The crabs in your life won’t be pulling you down trying to get out, they will be trying to pull you back down so you stay down.

When you grow you become a light, and some people don’t like when you shed light on them. You must free yourself of them. It is perhaps the hardest thing to do, but it must be done if you are to grow fully.

There are a couple types of friends you will see as you grow:

One type of friend may not grow with you, but they won’t hinder you in your progress either. They may even be a big support beam for you. One of my best friends is of this category, he is extremely supportive, but doesn’t appear to be in a rush to grow himself. This is perfectly fine, you have to accept them as they are, and they’ll respect you in return.

Second are the type of friends that do grow with you. My other best friend is of this variety. They want to grow right along side of you. A warning with this type of friend: don’t compete. It’s not a race, you can both grow at different speeds, and still be where you want to be.

Then you have the bad type of friend. They will make fun of you for getting better. Perhaps you aren’t doing certain things you used to, and this friend is offended by it. I don’t have any of these, nor do I let any strangers of this variety hang out with me for any length of time. I merely can’t put up with the negativity. DUMP THESE FRIENDS.

You’re friends aren’t perfect. You must respect them for who they are. Accept and love them for them. Hopefully you don’t have any bad apple friends. However, sometimes accepting them, means saying good-bye, so they can be the rotten apple they choose to be.

A Deadly Disease That Kills Self Growth

Exusitis.

Excusitis is a disease. I think it’s widely becoming a pandemic, and I’m guessing you’ve probably never heard of it. That’s because it is a socially acceptable disease. It is the disease of constantly making excuses. and it is a self growth killer.

I was busy.
I couldn’t get out of bed.
I was stuck in traffic
I’ll do it tomorrow.
I don’t feel like it.
I have a headache.

You probably have a go to list of your own.

Every once in a while even I come down with a boght of excusitis.
My Excuse: I deserve a break. I ‘work’ so hard growing that I feel like I need a break, and sometimes it’s deserved, but sometimes it’s just an excuse to do nothing.

NO EXCUSES

If you(we) are going to grow as a person, you HAVE to limit the amount of excuses in your life. You can’t grow and have excuses. You can explain everything away and everyone else may believe you, but you can’t lie to yourself. You know it’s an excuse, no matter how hard you try to fool yourself.

NO EXCUSES

I say it all the time: It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. You KNOW you’re making an excuse, and you lose a little bit of your integrity with every excuse you accept.

Try this. Make a small promise to yourself, and keep it. NO MATTER WHAT, Keep it. You will increase your integrity and you will feel a billion times better about yourself. And just repeat that process over and over, day after day, and you will be well on your path of self growth.

Note:You’re going to slip sometimes, it’s inevitable, sometimes we have bad days. Shake it off. Get back up. No big deal, just keep going forward. Don’t quit because you mess up once. Don’t make you having a bad day an excuse.

NO EXCUSES.

Realize it was a bad day, everyone has them, and get moving again. Don’t use having a bad day as an excuse to quit growing.

Excusitis is a disease, and the cure is to make a promise and keep it. You have to see the symptoms, and take immediate action to fix it. The longer you have had this disease the tougher it will be to get out of your system, but you can do it. I believe in you. Fight through the excuses. Start small, and build your integrity day by day.

NO EXCUSES

Orlando Magic Advance!

I am a HUGE Orlando Magic Fan. So I’d like to take a second and congratulate my boys in blue for winning their first round series against Toronto.

Orlando Magic’s star player is Dwight Howard. You all may hear about the bad guys in basketball and think they’re all thugs, but one look at Dwight Howard, and you will know this isn’t so. I encourage you guys to check out this young man(he’s my age…btw) He is a GREAT example of Self Growth, and can be a positive role model for millions of NBA fans.

The NBA in general is a great place to look. The NBA Cares program is outstanding, and I applaud their effort.

What can you do in your community to show you care?

Demons, Battles, Adventures, and Forces

This quote came from J.D. over at Get Rich Slowly.

“What impresses me most, though, are not my own accomplishments, but what they represent. When people overcome huge obstacles, they often say, “If I can do it, anyone can.” It’s a cliché — and never literally true — but I think there’s something very real to this sentiment. When we face our own demons and defeat them, we realize that through force of will, others can do the same. We recognize that each of us possesses inner strength that can lead to a better life. Through dedication, we can all achieve our goals.”

He was talking about his personal finance change in his life. I think it’s a fabulous way of putting self growth. I wanted to share it with you guys.

He’s right. It’s not the accomplishments that matter. Sure they are great and they’re wonderful milestones. But sometimes it’s the process of changing that matter most. Some say it’s not the destination, but the journey that makes life worthwhile, and I agree. I have a quote on my wall by Marcus Aurelius “Life is an adventure or nothing at all.” My life is an adventure, and I’m loving every minute of it.

J.D. uses two phrases that I want to touch on.

First, the phrase “When we face our own demons.” I’ve always pictured myself growth journey in terms of a battle. It’s a constant battle to improve yourself daily. Not with other warriors, but with yourself. You are your toughest opponent, and if you want to live the life of a great person, you have conquer your ‘demons’. Remember however, when you are fighting, if you lose strength, I will be right there beside you, fighting. We fight the same fight, therefore, we are brothers-in-arms.

He also uses the phrase, ‘through force of will’. That would be the ‘grab the bull by the horns’ theory. You HAVE to impose your will to change, life is not going to change for you. And it is an inner strength that accomplishes this. It’s knowing that you and ONLY you can provide yourself with a better, happier life.